Conversations that matter.

"Vulnerability is not a weakness, and the uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure we face every day are not optional.
Our only choice is a question of engagement."
Brene Brown 2012.

When we work with and engage with children, young people and their families we are seeing them at there most exposed, raw, and vulnerable.
As health care professionals, we may walk alongside them, to offer a hand or to simply listen and to help carry that emotional suitcase that is at bursting point, but we do not have the power to make everything better- for it all to go away.

But we can impact the experience.

It is at this point we engage with them, and those first moments need to be as honest and kind as possible- however having walked alongside many I feel that as an individual I have to also be at my most exposed and at times vulnerable.

I don't know what they will ask me, or what they want help and support with?
I don't know what path we shall walk, and if there may be many twists and turns in it.
Brene Brown  talks about choices and Daring Greatly- I feel that as an individual I dare greatly most days, I also observe my colleagues do this sometimes on a hourly basis.
As health care professionals we have codes of conduct, pathways and policies to follow that are there not only to protect ourselves - but also to ensure the safety of patients and clients we work with.

But they do not mention over exposure or vulnerability as we would understand it- so we have to make sure we have pathways in place to support us as professionals. 

But sometimes we are thrown curveballs- and we don't see them coming,  however experienced we are.
Having conversations that matter are all exposing and engagement is the key, without it the most important elements are missed, and the family or individual you are caring for also gets lost in the unknown.

I recall some recent conversations with a family, the things that matter, the vulnerability of the conversation - the courage shown to talk - and to say the most emotively charged things, in a space that can be held- in the middle of a busy ward environment - it was not easy, but it was spontaneous, and organic in its content.
How do we know what to do and say in these moments?

I can only share my experiences- and over the past few weeks I have had to spend time looking at my vulnerability and to not be afraid of it, to have the courage to expose it to some of my colleagues.
It can sometimes be misread, it is can also at times become over consuming- and feels quite alien to me.
To feel in a vulnerable state, also throws up feelings of anxiety, being frightened, out of control, unsure, and can be exhausting.

Recalling tough conversations that matter with children and young people, and their families, these feelings are expressed in many different ways, but when striped back their sense of feeling exposed and vulnerable- translates into fear and anger as they are unable to control what happens next.

Conversations that matter can be minutes in length, seconds, it can be a comment as you engage in an activity , whilst doing observations, walking past- but the impact may be powerful.
Over the last 8 years- I have watched as large groups of doctors approach children and young people at bedside.
Those that decrease in size.
Say hello to the child/young person.
Ask how they feel.
 They are the ones who dare greatly, and have courage to hold the vulnerable - which equally transforms the relationship, the art of it.

The parents and families we work with are exposed to the very core.
 To have a sick child in hospital, and not know what's happening- or what day of the week it is.
 They have emotional suitcases that are bursting at the seams.

In order for us to support them, we need to be supported.

Vulnerability is not a weakness, it is a true strength, our children and families will feel a great sense of this when in hospital- so our conversations that matter will invite that strength to be exposed, and we will do our best to bring purpose and meaning to events for them- hearing the unheard, and being ok with that.


Sian Spencer-Little.