Bubbles for Joe

This week  I wanted to share with you a story..

A story about loss, and of honouring, of memories and of new beginnings- it formed part of my work previously with loss and hospice care.


Bubbles for Joe.


"This is me, my name is Phillip, and it may seem quite strange to you that I am sharing this photograph with you, especially as I am blowing bubbles.

Why, you may ask?

Well this is my best friends garden, I come here a lot you know, here I can shout, stamp my feet, think, here I can remember.

Molly helped me find this place, I call it my safe place, she lets me call her Molly Moo.

I am 11 years old, my best friend, was, is 10, and I come to this garden to remember him, because he is not here anymore, he has died and it took me a long time to say the D word.

The bubbles you see, are for him, in each one is a message, sometimes I tell him about what I am doing at school, or about the horrible school dinners, or maybe I might just tell him I have a new football, or that I ate loads of popcorn at the Cinema.

Today I am sending him a message about the summer, how hot it has been, that I went to the beach and ate ice cream, and how much I miss him and wish he was here.

I have blown 8 bubbles, but if you look carefully you can see or imagine that there is 2 bubbles together , it looks like an upside down snowman.

That is a special one, that's only meant for me and Joe.



After these bubbles fly towards the sky, I am going to have a water fight in his garden with his brother, we are going to get soaked, so he will be able to see, even though he is not here with me.

I do feel sad sometimes, and cross, very cross, and I miss him.
Molly Moo says it is ok to feel those things, but I still like to laugh sometimes too, just like Joe and I did together.

Sometimes my tummy used to make really strange noises when I was sad, and it felt like a washing machine, with lots of things going round and round, but when I blow the bubbles, and send Joe the messages it helps to make me not so sad, and then things start to calm down.

Soon I am going to be moving house, and I wont be able to come to Joe's garden anymore.

But there are lots of hills where my new house will be, and I will always have the photograph to remind me of my safe place in my head.

My new garden is on top of the highest hill, and you can see for miles and miles across all the tree tops.



So I can go, and blow bubbles.

Bubbles for my best friend Joe, and I can remember all the times we laughed.

On days when I feel sad I can climb to the top of the hill, and a little part of me will always remember Joe's garden and the fantastic summers we had".

The End



Sian Spencer-Little

Little Boxes

      
Over the past few weeks there have been many moments of brightness, contrasting with confusion, unexplained actions and fear.
If we look at impact, and I often talk about this in real time, the consequences to that are, the person effected is left dazed, unable to process and fearful of the future.

Each of us are unique, we carry with us and hold deep within us an ability to behave in a certain way, to re-act to situations, to process and to respond.

Often then, unique people are placed in little boxes- which they cannot seem to find their way out of, this can often result in their character and essence being closed away - rather then being explored, allowed to evolve, celebrated,  and shared.

"Experience growth and the will is far greater than the ability to shut down every time you are scared and want to play it safe"

 I am relating this to a unique group of children and young people I have the honour of sharing there journey with.
                Sometimes they are put in little boxes.

I spend lots of time observing C&YP who are living with long term health conditions, I sit alongside them during treatments and admissions to hospital.
I observe how they are greeted, and the affect it has on them with yet another admission to face.
I spend time with their families, and siblings as they too form part of this journey.

How does this impact on their "non-hospital life", the life away from blood tests, blood pressure checks, treatment, cannulas, more nurses, more doctors.

Do they want to have polite conversations with nurses and doctors who have been with them since they were a baby, when they are now 14!

I have explored this with C&YP this week as I have walked alongside them to support them through there latest stay in hospital, I have been an observer and student.
This has enabled me to really listen to what they need, how they would like to be heard, and what they want from their routine admissions in hospital.

" I like coming here because I get to see some of the nurses and doctors I know, but I wish they wouldn't keep telling the same jokes"

" I just want to get it over and done with, Iv got so much work to do for school"

"Yippee this means I get to go to the hospital school, I love it"

These are just some of the comments shared with me, and so in giving them the opportunity to say how they feel, allows them not to carry so many worries with them, it also says to them, you are unique, and your thoughts and opinions do matter.

"Sian I know I said I don't need you, but if your not busy will you help me with my cannula"
I have known this patient for 8 years, they have a active procedural plan in place and on the last 3 admissions they have said " I'm ok I don't need you"

Each of them is unique and ever evolving- and its ok to ask for help now and then.
Giving C&YP the luxury of time and space, during an admission goes towards non- verbal actions of being present and in the moment.

I may have just been walking past the treatment room, and popped my head round the door " Hi, anything I can do?"

For some of those living with a long term conditions- coming into hospital for even short periods of time is a huge disruption in their lives which they are trying to live as non- clinically as possible.

" Please ask me if I would like to talk,then please ask me how I am today"

Sometimes they don't want to have conversations, sometimes they just want to "get on with it" - can we work towards this which does not involve words and conversations- but by actions.

Can we understand why sometimes they don't want to talk, is it because an opportunity hasn't be offered?

Sometimes they want to have a conversation.
Can we as HCP have those conversations freely, openly and honestly, do we know how to say certain things, are we equipped with the right language

This week I was honoured to attend the official launch of MeFirst.org.uk
this is a brilliant organisation set up to assist and support.
To share skills with HCP who work with and are part of C&YP's lives, it was also thought provoking to hear and gave deep meaning when listening to how C&YP would like to be listened to and supported through their lives within health.
It was also refreshing to meet and see how many of us are doing the most amazing job at supporting C&YP, and how together we can continue the movement forwards.
 
Within my role, I can offer time and space, tools to express, set up discussions with other HCPs to understand C&YP - what are their needs and how can we make being in hospital a more rounded experience.

Effort only fully releases its reward after a person refuses to quit.

"With ordinary talent and extraordinary perseverance, all things are attainable"
Thomas Foxwell Buxton.


Sian Spencer-Little
 








                      

Expression and Story Through Play.

"The Sandtray - tiny grains of sand, like huge diamonds are so powerful, yet it   appears uncomplicated, natural and after all ,its just a tray of sand!"

My thoughts, before I  took part in a Sandtray session many years ago- how wrong was I, and how totally unprepared I was for what followed- it is difficult to even put into words- as its a deep and powerful experience, that cannot be taught- it has to be felt, words do not allow for the impact it has.

Over the last 10 years we have grown to learn more about the expressive tools that can be used and offered to children and young people, experiencing "tough times"


Many professionals within the field of trauma work and neuroscience have shared research and key findings on the impact trauma has on the brain and our ability as human beings to process and cope with that impact.
How it can impact our learning, our processing and for some become a block to growth and development.

Much of this work and research has come from collaborative work alongside children, young people and their families. ( Violet Oaklander, Dr Margot Sunderland, Dr Garry Landreth to name but a few)

I have been fortunate to have been a student with some of these teachers, and have embarked on further training and therapy within the vast area of Therapeutic Play.
As I grow - it is an area of work I am continually learning from as a practitioner.
It is not an area to approach without training, and teaching, supervision or personal therapy opportunity. 

When I think about trauma, and perhaps what a child or young person has experienced, I look at subtle trauma, those short episodes, those things that seem unimportant to others- these are often the beginnings, and then other short episodes arise, little incidents, and they begin to build, much like the "Tower of Jenga" I have spoke about previously.
Then all of a sudden it has grown to enormous height, is so loud that nothing else can be heard.

We all have different ways of dealing with our own episodes- moments in our lives where we have needed an extra hand, an arm to guide us- however for some children and families this is an invisible image- one that is too difficult to locate or see, or accept.

When working with play skills- we open up the dialogue between the two worlds.
Children and young people often reveal things about themselves that they wouldn't normally do, they sometimes use metaphors and objects, as adults we feel the urge to be able to fix them- and within Therapeutic Play sessions its really important to try and resist that urge deep within us.
That is asking a lot of us, and for some playing does not come easy.

If you have not had the opportunity to be free with objects, to explore, to imagine to re-inact with puppets, dance, sing, paint, play with sand- how do you allow yourselves to be free with the medium you wish to invite the child to explore and use.

When delivering a therapeutic session, a space, its important to acknowledge that the simplest of things has the biggest impact.

Allowing children and young people the opportunity to play, take a puppet, share a feeling, the name of the puppet, what is it doing- you are inviting them on a journey of play.
To offer paint, clay ,a drum alongside a child, to listen as the drum becomes a tool an extension of their feelings is a powerful moment.
Here you will both discover individuality, imagination, the role of this character or feeling- how it  plays, its likes and dislikes, the volume of their voice, or instrument, the tone, the language.
Here you begin to do the wonderings for the child or young person.
Symbolising feelings allows children to choose to join in or create conversations about their emotional world.

Working within the metaphor has a feeling of safety, as you speak as an object.

I will be sharing further thoughts and insights in the coming weeks using my blog to explore these, share and grow as a practitioner.




"Trauma makes you fight the last battle, over and over again"
Bessel Van der Kolk 1999.


Further Reading-

Margaret Lowenfeld - Understanding Children's SandPlay
Violet Oaklander- Windows to our children.